And Sephiroth is from Venus
by Tsuki Amano
Summary: The dynamics of a relationship are almost a complicated affair for most couples to deal with. But when you add Hojo to the mix, you have yourself a disaster of epic proportions.
1. Chapter 1

And Sephiroth is from Venus.

Disclaimer: The ownership thing again? I wished I owned Sephiroth, Final Fantasy or Cloud in general, I even clicked my heels together three times, and wouldn't you know it, so far no luck in that field. I could really go for some Wutaian take-out right now.

Warnings: Gender swap in the beginning. Before we continue I thought I should clear something up. Sephiroth is physically a girl, but mentally he refers to himself as a man. And no matter how I looked at it, Cloud was still an uke, because at this point in the game, Cloud couldn't dominate over a puppy really.

To 7thcircleofhell, hope you like it!

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Being the mighty General of the ShinRa army was a perilous job; one never really knew what challenges would crop up at a moment's notice. Life was something precious and not a single second of time was taken for granted. In his short but extremely eventful career, Sephiroth had knocked at Death's door many times: Gunfights, swordfights, fallen off a cliff, nearly been eaten by a hungry Behemoth, almost been crushed by a stack of paperwork and fired at by Zack when he was learning how to use the new Fire Materia (he had really liked that leather jacket too). But he had never even once imagined that he would meet his end by _lace_ of all things. Because really, death by lace? You couldn't even put that up on a tombstone.

Sephiroth had always thought he would have a more heroic end, or live to a ripe old age, marry Cloud and start a farm or something. Sure, there were a few incidents that would never be mentioned again, Zack's Gongagan chili that had burnt a hole in his floor and Genesis' "Loveless Attack" phase, but honestly, death by lace?

Never even for a second had he pictured the scenario he was in. As the damnable contraption from hell squeezed the last vestiges of air from his lungs, his eyes watered and his chest and shoulders burned. He was sure that his vision was beginning to blur and he could see the light at the end of the tunnel steadily growing brighter.

Idly, he wondered what he could have possibly done to deserve such a fate. He was a fantastic General, efficient and ruthless, and had always been a wonderful, obedient child.

Alright, so maybe that was a load of Chocobo droppings. In all honesty he had been a terrible child, loving to irritate the lab assistants and at least five of them now had their own wards in the local ShinRa mental therapy facility. But still… he was traumatized himself, look at the sorry excuse of carbon he had for a father figure! Daddy Dearest wasn't really the personification of love and good cheer now was he?

Getting back to the task at hand, he fumbled with the clasp of the accursed article, wincing as it snapped back as if in retaliation, stinging the delicate pale skin in its path. The thing was trying to kill him, he knew it…

Before his hallucinations went any further, a slender pair of hands confidently unhooked the clasp before helping him to slip it off his shoulders. "Hmm... perhaps a size larger?" Sephiroth did his best to fix the abnormally cheerful salesgirl with a death glare, but its effect was somewhat reduced since his eyes were tearing up too much for him to glare properly (He was in pain, most definitely not crying). Instead he summoned up the last few shreds of his dignity and managed to rasp out, "Definitely at least two sizes bigger."

The girl bounced in and out of the room within a matter of a few seconds (yes bounced, she seemed to come with only setting, and Sephiroth was starting to suspect that she and Zack were related to one another). With her help, he tried on the garment and hesitantly looked at the mirror in front of him. Uneasy green eyes stared back at him, unhappily noting what they saw, glancing over the pale skinned, tall lithe figure that stood besides the smiling shop girl. A very_ female_ body in a lacy brassiere…

He didn't know what was more embarrassing, Zack holding doors open for him, pulling chairs out for him to sit or carrying all the bags including the lingerie ones(although that might just have been because he was a pervert).

He only knocked off the ridiculous antics (chivalry he had the audacity to call it), when Sephiroth told him he'd soon be using Masamune to cut off a few essential parts here and there, a little weed-whacking he called it. Zack stopped short when he noticed that Sephiroth had that gleam in his eye. It was the same gleam that had appeared right before they had conquered Wutai and crushed the Emperor's regime. Sephiroth had almost jovially told the man, "Take _that_ and put in a fortune cookie then."

He quietly scampered off to get their lunch, which soon ended up being worse for the silver-haired woman. An obnoxious brown haired man plonked himself in Zack's seat only seconds after the man disappeared, before winking at Sephiroth, "Hey there hon. Are you alright?" Sephiroth blinked, wondering what the hell was wrong with the man. "Because Heaven's a long way from here, the fall must have hurt." Oh sweet Ifrit…

The man left quickly getting the hint he had no luck, but there were other morons who decided to try their luck:

There was this horribly geeky looking black haired man: "You make my hardware turn into software. Wanna come see my hard drive?"

Then there was a weird, spaced out blond, who came up with, "Hey babe, I'm a wrestler, why don't you let me take you down?" Huh? He wondered if that was actually a pick-up line or a threat.

But the last straw was when this freak of nature looked him in the eyes and said, "Your eyes are blue, like the ocean. And baby, I'm lost at sea." "Er…my eyes are green."

"Sorry sweetheart, your amazing sexiness must have scrambled my circuits. So how about it? Your place or mine." "How about none? Why don't you take a hike?" "Oh come on sugar, my lips are skittles, wanna taste the rainbow?" Oh that was it!

When Zack returned, he was horrified to see Sephiroth at the table, sitting with his legs crossed, sipping what appeared to be a cup of tea, while above him, a terrified looking man dangled from the ceiling fan.

"Erm, Seph…what..." "The man said he was a rainbow, I thought I'd let be up where he belonged."

Zack wondered if he wanted to know how Sephiroth had gotten the man up on the fan in the first place.

The rest of the meal was spent in companionable silence on a park bench (well, more or less, being kicked out of a mall tends to put a damper on things), until Zack cocked his head up and uncharacteristically serious, asked, "What in Shiva's name happened Seph?"

The silver haired General in question cringed and muttered, "I'd…I'd rather not discuss that right now. It's not really a suitable item for a mealtime discussion." "I'm your best friend Seph! I gave you an entire week, but now I'm serious. What happened? I've been worried sick about you!"

Sephiroth sighed, looked at some birds and a few squirrels, stalling for time, before replying, "I can sum this whole thing up for you in one word if you want: Hojo."

* One week earlier*

"I beg your pardon, you want to _what_?" Hojo gave the more than slightly disgruntled male a withering look. "I wasn't aware that your hearing was quite so poor my boy. I said I wanted to add some estrogen to your mako dosages. It's simple really; I don't understand where this confusion sprouted from."

"I apologize doctor but I just don't follow. How will turning me into a modern day _Victor-Victoria _help me?"

Hojo gripped the needle so hard that the glass it cracked, "I do not approve of this show of dramatics. I knew I shouldn't have let you socialize with Hollander's boys; he just had to make sure they were_ educated_ in the fine arts. In order to give you an upper hand on the battlefield I merely feel that is necessary to magnify your perception scope and to some extent, your emotional range. Now studies have shown that comparatively speaking, women are more apt in these areas then men, and the causative agent is the sex hormone, estrogen. By halving the amount produced naturally in the female body, I should be able to produce the desired result without the ridiculous mood swings and dependency that females tend to exhibit."

"You_ should_ be able to produce?"

"Well, admittedly, this idea is still in its prototype stage… but there was a test subject. Bruno fared quite well in the tests." "Bruno, as in your pet rat, that Bruno?"

"I will have you know, Bruno is a pure-bred _mouse_," Hojo replied testily, hovering threateningly above Sephiroth. How the man managed to look even the least bit menacing in pink scrubs was beyond him. "I am sure that your education was at least sufficient to inform you that 9/10th of the genome of a mouse is similar to that of a human. Now then, since that's all settled, we'll be starting your treatment as of today." If Sephiroth had been a lesser man, he would have stuck his tongue out at the greasy haired scientist.

*That evening*

"Are you sure you don't want to see the resident doctor?" Sephiroth smiled warmly at his anxious blond boyfriend and gently tugged him back down, guiding his plush rosy lips into a tender kiss. He ignored the flare of pain that raced up his chest, deepening the kiss and was content when Cloud let out a soft mewl. He pulled back and rested his forehead against Cloud's. "I'm sure love. Look, it's probably just a side-effect of the new components in my mako shots. If it doesn't go away by tomorrow, I'll go see Hojo about it." He added reassuringly, "I promise", when he noted the wide blue eyes still were worried, and he pecked Cloud again on the lips to keep him from biting his lip. Finally the cadet nodded, "Alright", yawned sleepily, before adding, "Love you", before snuggling into the man. Sephiroth rested his chin on the silky blond hair, wrapping his arms around him, content to protect him from the evils of the world for at least one more night, before succumbing to sleep himself.

*Back to the present*

"And when I woke up, I was a woman." Zack looked horrified, "Dude…Seriously, are you sure I can't go through with my plan to drop Hojo into a mako reactor? Because honestly man…"

"Zackary, close your mouth would you? You'll catch flies that way. Anyway, Hojo's working on an antidote right now. We'll just have to wait. Hopefully, these changes will not be permanent. They are rather inconvenient." "Yeah, they do kinda ruin the whole I'm-the-evil-spooky-General-fear-me thing, don't they? Now you're just kind of hot, in an intimidating way, which is only hotter. On that note, how's Cloud taking it?"

Sephiroth looked uncomfortable at the direction the conversation had taken and refused to meet his Lieutenant's eyes. "Whoa, Seph…you did tell him right? He deserves to hear it from you."

"I told him Zackary. After all, he was there the morning that my…shall we call it a transition, occurred. However, I'm afraid I do not know how he is handling the situation because, as I'm embarrassed to admit, at this juncture, the hormones took control and I dashed out of the room before he could respond. I haven't seen him since."

"You've been avoiding him? Seph..."

"No, Zack don't. It puts the boy in an incredibly uncomfortable position and I simply would not be able to deal with his rejection at this point of time."

"You love him don't you?" "Of course I do! That's a preposterous question; I would do anything for him."

"I dunno Seph, I gotta say, I'm disappointed in you." Sephiroth jerked his head up, surprise clearly written across his face. "Do you really have so little faith in Cloud? He loves you, I know he does. Just hear what he has to say. I'm pretty sure that he'll be beating himself up, thinking that you dumped him. Because you and I know, that's how Chocobo-head works. Stop looking guilty, because maybe you can't fix all of this, you can't turn back into a guy overnight and make all your problems vanish, but you can talk to Cloud and have him beside you every step of the way. So what'll it be?"

Sephiroth let a small smile slip onto his face, "I'll admit Zack, that I'm suitably impressed. You actually come out with rather knowledgeable propositions. Angeal must be quite proud." Zack beamed, "Aw, thanks Seph. It's my natural level of awesomeness combined with old novels I've been borrowing with Aerith. They're just so addictive."

Sephiroth let his head slam into the table-top, hard.

*One week later*

It had been an exhausting week. While it was true that the large majority of the corporation was not aware of his condition, there were other factors that worked to make his life hell, things that he had taken for granted when he was a man.

He had developed a new, crippling fear of wax and discovered the intricacies of perfumes. In the last week, at least a quarter of each day had been utilized for the coordination of his outfit (his standard uniform was a little too revealing in the chest area) and brushing his long hair. Soon, he would be tying ribbons in his hairs and frolicking among the buttercups with the cheerful woodland critters.

Ah, there were his hormones; they had been a train wreck from start to finish. He had burst into tears when Reno had cracked an off colour joke and had been inconsolable until Rude had run out and bought him a giant bar of chocolate. Then there were the two paperweights and a letter opener he had chucked at a cadet who had irritated him (his hair was silver, why could these simple-minded cretins not comprehend the difference between silver and grey?). Finally to his eternal humiliation, he had cooed over a baby Chocobo in the stables, effectively scaring the living daylights out of Tseng.

Fortunately enough, the Turks were aware of the volatile situation and had actually diverted attention away from several potentially awkward situations. Sephiroth found he had a new level respect for all womankind who dealt with this on a daily basis, and did so with an unparalleled level of finesse.

It was past eleven in the night and the sun had long since set. The cool, crisp night air filled the office. Everything was almost eerily still, most of the cadets and SOLDIERs having turned in for the night. Sephiroth still had a small pile of paperwork left to complete before he could head home for the night. But he planned to stop by the cadets' barracks first in the hopes he would meet Cloud. He missed his blond lover much more than he imagined was possible. Rubbing his temples wearily, he glanced up the clock and promptly let out a startled squeak when a steaming mug of coffee slid towards him. "Sorry, I didn't want to disturb you but I thought you could do with the caffeine, you know, with all the crap that's been happening."

Sephiroth gratefully accepted the coffee, and sipped the warm liquid, letting out a quiet moan of delight. Cloud sat on his desk swinging his legs back and forth idly when Sephiroth broke the silence, "We need to talk about this, don't we?" Cloud looked at his reflection in the glass pensively before replying, "Yeah, we do."

Sephiroth leaned back in his chair, sighed and said, "I don't know where to begin Cloud. And I can only begin to apologize for the situation that this must have put you in. I'm sure that you wouldn't want to be bothered by this nonsense so... Mmph!" Cloud slid onto his lap and slammed their lips together effectively shutting him up. He emerged after a minute or so, flushed and panting. "Don't be stupid! Why would I want to leave you? I love you! So what if you're a girl now, you're still you and that's not ever going to change. Sure, it'll be a little difficult but we'll work around it, and besides, there's no way in Hades' I'm letting you go through something like this alone." Sephiroth was horrified to find that at the end of Cloud's speech, he had tears in his eyes and was even more distraught when they leaked out.

Cloud smiled softly and wiped away the droplets with his thumbs. "It's going to be alright Seph, I know it is. We'll just have to rough it out a bit, but that'll be fine, we're good at that anyway."

Sephiroth wrapped his arms around the blond's waist holding him close. He was pleased to note that even in this form, Cloud fit perfectly in his lap. "I love you," he whispered against the familiar downy mass of spun gold. "Love you too," murmured Cloud, now sleepy after the long day. "Hey Seph, you have to promise me something ok?" "Hmm, what is it?"

"You can't wear heels, 'cause you know, you're already like a head taller than me."

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A/N: That's it for the first chapter. Hope everyone liked it! Please do take the time to review, and if you have any ideas or suggestions for the future, tell me. Kudos to anyone who catches the semi-reference to Gilbert from Hetalia.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

**Summary:** The dynamics of a relationship are always a complicated affair. Add Hojo to the mix and you've got yourself a natural disaster.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of these characters; I only use them for personal satisfaction and fun. But it's a nice thought.

**Warnings:** The same as the last chapter plus a bit of Rufus and Tseng. Oh and Reno being Reno, because that merits a warning in itself.

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On most days, Tseng quite enjoyed his job. The pay was decent; he got free accommodation, not to mention the health benefits. He didn't have anything against a little violence and some subterfuge either. Intimidation was a key element in his game and as it turned out, he wasn't half-bad at intimidating people. Things had really picked up when he was given the task of looking after Shinra's son. Rufus was snarky, cold and intelligent; a dangerous combination when coupled with his natural good looks. Well the President had never clearly defined Tseng's job boundaries.

He sifted his fingers through the pale locks, pressing chaste kisses to the heir's neck. He was in the process of unbuttoning his shirt, enjoying the faint mewls of appreciation when Rufus suddenly said, "Reno?" Tseng didn't think that that it was a good sign the way a single word like that could twist a knife in his side. He desperately tried to ignore the way his heart clenched; after all, they'd never said it was anything serious…but still…

His consternation must have been clearly visible, at least to Rufus, who said, "No, look." Tseng followed the line from his finger to the window, only to see his colleague outside it. Well, that was certainly an unforeseen deviation from the regular. "Get down," he instructed his charge, "and keep this, just in case." He tossed a gun at him, Rufus nodded and ducked below the heavy wooden desk. The Wutaian cautiously opened the window and prodded the Turk with the barrel of his gun. Said man promptly turned around, or in this case swung around revealing to Tseng the fact that he had been tied up to a pole from the upper story and was hanging upside down. A _most _unenviable position. "Oh, hey Boss!" he grinned, "Didn't really see you there. You think, you could, get me down from here maybe yo?"

Once both his feet were firmly planted on the tiled floor, Tseng asked, "Care to explain?" Reno chuckled nervously, "Um, I'd just like to say at this time, it's totally not my fault. I maybe, kind of…uh, pissed the General off?"

"What did you do this time?" "Switched his tea for coffee."

"Reno, for the last time, you can't…that's it?" Reno shrugged, "Yeah Boss. Then he got all ballistic and strung me out there like a really good looking piñata. Do you know how many birds tried to use me as a landing point? Not cool yo!"

"Where's Cadet Strife?" a new voice interjected. Reno snapped to attention or at least, some vague semblance of it. For some reason, he still had a shred of respect for the man. "Dunno, Fair said he'd check. Kid's classes are over for the day, he's not in his dorms or anything. Not answering his phone. Speaking of phones, there's something next to the phone on the desk." Tseng felt mild tendrils of panic creep up his sides as Reno's attention was drawn to Rufus' tie. "Hey that's not your tie Boss, it's way too fancy to be yours. It kinda looks like the one that…_Oh_."

Tseng none too lightly shoved the red-haired man out the door, giving him his most intimidating glare (which of course he was immune to) and sighed when Reno immediately began pounding at it. "No way man, you can't leave me out here! He'll make mince-meat out of me! I'm too young and hot to... Oh _holy Mother of Ifrit_!"

A pair of arms snaked their way around Tseng's waist, a rare sign of affection from Rufus who casually tucked his chin on the proffered shoulder. "Based on the lack of pounding on the door, I'd say Sephiroth found Reno." Tseng just sighed in agreement. "I had better phone Fair. It's in everyone's best interest if we locate Strife." Tseng unsuccessfully tried to suppress a shudder that ran through him when Rufus' silky voice purred in his ear, "And then, we can continue. I believe we were in the middle of something important before."

Cloud couldn't say he was too surprised when Zack yanked him into his apartment with a, "Thank Gaia, you're back!" Reno had managed to get in touch with him and when Cloud had finally managed to filter out all the profanity and the screaming (someday, he'd develop an actual filter, he'd be rich), he was able to discern the fact that Reno was being pursued by Sephiroth. A very angry, sword-wielding Sephiroth. So it wasn't too surprising that he had been called in for damage control. Because, seriously if they broke _one_ more desk, Supplies' was going to be pissed.

He gingerly placed the shopping bags on the countertop and followed Zack inside, something was off about the situation, why were Angeal and Genesis here? Zack's mako bright eyes shone with worry. "Uh Spiky, we don't want to alarm you, but we've got a new problem." Cloud felt an odd sense of foreboding, kind of like when his roommate had decided to play around with a reject Materia he had salvaged from Wall Market. They still hadn't managed to explain where the snowman had come from yet. "The thing is, we can't find Sephiroth anywhere."

Mornings in Shinra were pretty schedule-oriented. At 6:15 each morning, the cadets would scramble out of their bunks, hoping to avoid the higher ups and their buckets of ice water. Then there was a mad dash to the showers, each cadet competing for the last vestiges of lukewarm water. Followed by which was breakfast which was usually an adventure on its own. On most days, you could opt for cereal that tasted like wood chips or some weird goop they swore was porridge. Then there were your classes, training, duty, homework and dinner. Now lather, rinse and repeat. Zack, Sephiroth and the others had introduced plenty of variety into his life (not too many cadets could claim to have seen a First Class SOLDIER in drag). But he had to admit, with the last mishap in the lab, his limits were being tested. It was one thing dealing with Sephiroth normally, but Sephiroth on hormones? There's a sight that the world wasn't ready for yet.

The Nibelheim native cautiously stuck his head into his lover's office. "Hey," he called out softly, "Zack told me you weren't feeling too well. Said that you walked out of a Board meeting and that you skipped lunch." Sure enough, the General's head was resting on the cool mahogany surface and the shades were pulled which was a sure sign that Sephiroth was feeling peaky. He tiredly lifted his head, brushing a few strands of silver out of his line of vision, and muttered, "I can't say I'm feeling my level best." Cloud flinched at how out of it he looked. Although logically, contemplated the cadet, they should have probably expected it. Yesterday, Sephiroth had thrown up and today morning had barely picked at his breakfast. Plus, he'd been noticing that the other seemed fatigued, drained out.

"Anything I can do?" Sephiroth smiled tiredly. "Thank you, but I'm afraid not. While I appreciate the effort, this is one of those things that's out of everyone's control." At the look of confusion on Cloud's face he added softly, "It's my monthly cycle."

Which explained why Cloud had spent his free afternoon in the departmental store down the road. True, he wasn't the most socially adept person and he had never had female friends or a girlfriend, but that didn't mean he was ignorant and insensitive. Occasionally, he had gone shopping for his mother during her time of need.

Oh how he sorely missed Nibelheim.

Sure the village hadn't brought him too many fond memories and he had left as soon as he got a chance, but there were some advantages. At least there all you needed to do was visit the old lady who lived by the edge of the forest. She'd been an inhabitant of the area for at least four generations and was more than a little eccentric. Her eyesight nearly completely gone she had the uncanny ability to know precisely where you were at any given time, not to mention what you were doing. Finding her house wasn't a challenge, with the skulls that decorated the fence the place stood out like a sore thumb. The garden was overgrown and there was a warning sign on the gate, asking people not to venture in after sunset, because really she could not be responsible for what Muffin did. Till this day, Cloud had no idea what Muffin was, somehow, he didn't fancy knowing either.

However, she was the village healer making it necessary for the occasional visit. Once you got past the garden all that was left was the general eccentricity of the woman herself (and the stuffed Behemoth head, but Cloud thought that was pretty cool). The healer often threatened to turn her patrons into snowmen, or in Cloud's case, a Snow-Chocobo but for the most part they were idle threats.

Unfortunately in Midgar, urbanization and development had among other things brought consumer confusion.

Slowly, the mortification set in. He could feel the embarrassment seeping out of every pore of his body. On the bright side, the salesgirl was nice about it. "There…there are different brands?" he squeaked. He caught sight of himself in a mirror and marveled at the fact that he bore a striking resemblance to Genesis' coat.

To make matters worse, he seemed to be the only male in this part of the store, which attracted some rather unwanted attention from the female customers. While the large majority of them were shooting him dirty looks (apparently he looked like a creepy stalker, looming in the hygiene section), the others were giving him dreamy looks. Cloud wasn't too sure how happy he was about the fact that people were hitting on him when there were tampons and diapers in his line of vision. But the biggest blow to his pride was to come in the form of a sweet, little, old lady. When the cadet handed her a packet that was too high for her to reach, she absently patted his head and said, "My what a nice young girl you are!"

After that, he'd decided to get out as fast as possible. He picked up a few brands; Sephiroth could decide making it a win-win situation. He also grabbed a bottle of painkillers and on a sudden whim; he dashed to the section where they sold candles and oils. A few moments of deliberation later he had selected a bottle of lavender scented massage oil. As he headed over to the cashier he mentally noted that Zack would never be allowed to go through these items. The cashier, to his luck, was also a young woman who gave Cloud a very curious look as she rang up the items. But when he flipped through a magazine that Seph would probably like and added it to the pile, her curiosity got the better of her.

"Shopping for your girlfriend?" she inquired a grin on her face that widened dramatically when he nodded awkwardly. "Uh, sort of", well that was the truth. "Aw…aren't you just the sweetest! Let me guess, this is the first time you're going alone?" Cloud answered without thinking, "First time this is happening." Now then, that didn't make him sound strange at all. Foot meet mouth. He waved his hands and sputtered, "N...no! This is the first time it's happened when we were dating. Not the first time, and how much did you say that comes up to?"

And so Cloud headed back to the facility after a fruitful day shopping, purchases in hand plus one bar of chocolate which was courtesy the cashier who had taken pity on him. As it turned out, the store might have been slightly more disaster free than Shinra.

"You can't find him? How is that even possible? An hour ago Reno called me while he was being chased by Sephiroth!" Zack looked uncomfortable, "I know Spiky. But that was then, now we can't figure out for the life of us where he is. We've searched everywhere! We tried the barracks, the cafeteria, the field, the training room, the restroom (We're _never_ bringing that up again yo!), the roof top and even Hojo's lab. He's nowhere to be seen."

Cloud sighed, "Did you try his quarters?" Angeal shrugged, "We rang the bell, knocked on the door and tried phoning him. Short of knocking down the door there's nothing more we could do. But, that doesn't mean he isn't there." He added, shooting Cloud a meaningful look.

One of the benefits of being a small-sized, quiet cadet was the fact that in the army, most people tended to ignore you. This is made it relatively simpler to sneak around the facility, because when questioned you could always explain that you were merely running errands for some higher-ups. Do this while exercising your best innocent face, add an angelic smile at the end and you would have no problem sneaking around the place. Cloud was easily able to make his way up to the upper floors where Sephiroth resided; noting rather warily that many of the soldiers he met seemed to recognize him. A few actually nodded pleasantly at him, bearing witness to the number of times they had seen him up here 'delivering take-out' to the General.

Unbeknownst to all of them, Cloud had been granted a spare pass to Sephiroth's private quarters about two months ago. It was partially to do with the fact that Sephiroth wanted their relationship to progress in the right direction and partly owing to the vast collection of books that he had accumulated during his career. He had lost count of the number of times that he had found Cloud poring over a book, eyes alit with wonder. Nibelheim was a backwater town, most people put issues like food and water above education. So for Cloud, every scrap of information he gained was a blessing. Sephiroth had decided to encourage this and had given Cloud free access to his personal library. (Additionally, he benefited because Cloud tended to be extremely cuddly when he was reading.)

Quickly glancing around to make sure that the corridors were deserted, Cloud slid the pass into the scanner and quietly pushed the door open when the he got the green light. The apartment was dark, the curtains were drawn and there didn't seem to be any trace of the elusive general. Huffing, Cloud flicked on the light switch and toed off his shoes. He noted the pair of black formal shoes that lay next to the door; looks like Angeal was right.

Tiptoeing to the bedroom, he peered inside and grinned. Sephiroth was fast asleep; he hadn't even bothered to change out of his clothes. Shaking his head, Cloud headed into the kitchen. Honestly, he felt like a worried mother sometimes.

Sephiroth blinked his cat like green eyes and stared at the ceiling, willing it to clear the fog that was eclipsing his mind. He stretched languidly, working out the kinks in his muscles and noticing the light coming from the living room staggered out of bed. He willed himself to ignore the occasional stab of pain that shot through his lower back; women went through this every month?

His apartment smelled nice, he mused and wrapped his arms around Cloud's slim waist. Cloud laughed and swatted him away, "I'm making stir-fry. That's ok right?" They both knew that was a rhetorical question, Sephiroth never bothered to argue with anything that Cloud made, his abject cooking prowess ensured that. "I see you're wearing the apron that Zackary bought you." The blue frilly one with a bright yellow Chocobo on it. According to Zack, he had seen it in Wall Market, where as the story went, it had called out to him saying, "_Take me home to Cloud_!" According to Angeal, he had one too many beers and walked into a store which supplied clothes for young mothers.

"Pfft. There's no other apron, yours is way too big for me. But that doesn't mean Zack ever has to know. While this is cooking, why don't you go shower. It'll make you feel better. I picked up some stuff for you," he said pointing at the shopping bags he had kept on the shelf. "If you want you can take a painkiller after dinner, the lady at the shop said they're non-drowsy." Sephiroth rifled through the contents, embarrassment soon being overshadowed by affection. "Thank you" he said, smiling softly.

Cloud blushed, "It's nothing, I used to do this for my mom all the time. You just kind of reminded me off her that's all. She needed time to herself too."

Dinner was quiet, Cloud decided to spend the night. It was pretty much their regular routine, Cloud doing his homework while Sephiroth finished some paperwork. Occasionally the silence would be broken by Cloud asking a question or his furious scratching out of a wrong answer. However, Sephiroth's trained eye caught a new stiffness in Cloud's movements. It was barely noticeable but there. He wisely didn't bring it up, he knew when Cloud was good and ready he'd tell him. Unsurprisingly, Sephiroth drifted off first, leaving Cloud to awkwardly brush off silver strands from his forehead and cover them both with a thick blanket before joining him in dreamland.

"You look like a zombie," Zack cheerfully said, pushing a steaming cup of coffee towards Cloud. The blond gratefully took the caffeine, drinking deeply with a contented sigh. Zack's office was possibly his second favorite place to unwind. It had a very different atmosphere than the rest of the building. Furniture wise, it was the same with a sturdy desk that was perpetually laden with unfinished paperwork and a couch for the visitors (granted, his couch was a little bit more worn out, but Cloud tried not to think about that). Zack however had personalized the work space, painting the walls purple (Angeal had refused to set foot in the office for almost a month), a Cactuar clock that stuck its tongue out every hour and a dustbin that looked like a Chocobo. It chirped every time you threw anything in it. He also had the standard issue computer. "Does Lieutenant Hewley know that's your screensaver?" "No, and he doesn't need to either. So….are you planning to tell me what's wrong?"

Cloud sighed, propping his cheek up with one hand, coffee long forgotten as he fiddled around with a pen on the table pointedly staring in any direction but the one that Zack was in. It was a sudden thought, but Zack was reminded of just how young Cloud really was. "Spiky," he ventured cautiously. "I…it's dumb really. I mean it's not important or anything and I'm sure that I'm over reacting, I guess I just have been really stressed, but… damn Zack it's this thing with Sephiroth. It's really getting to me!" he burst out.

"Thing with Sephiroth?" "It's just…it's hard. I've never been so confused in my life Zack! I love Sephiroth, I know I do. But sometimes I feel like Seph's changing every second, I feel like I can't keep up with that. There are times when I feel like Seph's someone completely new and I don't what to do. I need to second guess my every move. Plus, I guess things are ok now, they're manageable at least, but what happens later when we decide to, you know," he flushed, leaving his sentence unfinished, "I don't know whether I'll be able to deal with that when the time comes."

Zack helplessly hugged his friend, wishing he could just magically make the problem go away, but he couldn't. This was exactly what they had feared would happen. Cloud was doing his best, coping in a situation that would make most hardened men buckle, yet inevitably they knew he'd reach his limit. It was unfair not to expect him to do so. The thing was, now that the limit had been reached, what happened next?

What was he going to tell Sephiroth?

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**A/N**: I know it's been a ridiculously long time since I last updated and I apologize for that. ***Bows down in apology*** Thanks to everyone who took the time to read the last chapter and ***grins*** I got faves! Do take the time to review; even a smiley face is highly appreciated!


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

**Disclaimer**: I own absolutely nothing even though I really want to.

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If he squinted and tilted his head just a little to the left, it looked like a sheep with a bowler hat, or maybe that was just his imagination because really, it was a brown splodge on the ceiling and how many things can a brown splodge really resemble? A spider scuttled past bringing his total up to…fifteen, sixteen if you counted that spider he thought he had counted twice and seventeen if you included the thing that looked like a spider but had twelve legs by his last count. Though he hadn't been able to get a good look at it, Cloud didn't have any great appreciation for spiders. Oh sure, they were nature's way of the keeping the insect population down or whatever, but as far as Cloud was concerned, the spiders could do what they wanted, as long as they were a good five feet away from him when they did it. Because nothing with that many legs was good for your general health.

"Hey man, you can stare at that thing all you want, but I'm pretty sure it's not going to come to life." He rolled on his side to glare at his roommate. Ichigo was actually a nice guy, once you got past the fact that he had enrolled in the military as part of a drunken dare, knew more about fire and matchsticks than Genesis knew about Loveless and could curse fluently in about twelve different languages. That aside, he was relatively normal compared to some of the recruits, which said a lot about the place he was in. But Ichigo was possibly the closest friend he had among the cadets and was fiercely loyal to those he considered as friends.

"So my backwater comrade, what's causing your deep consternation?" he asked smirking. Ichigo liked to pretend that he was the resident shrink, which was great except that his advice usually consisted of consumption of copious amounts of alcohol, sex or some obscure combination of the two. His personal favorite was when a cadet (who in Cloud's opinion must have always been brain dead right from the start) used an untested materia on a higher-up who had been on their cases for ages, as a means of stress relief. The good news was that all it had proceeded to do was summon a Cactuar that then tap-danced in front of the witless summoner. The bad news was that the higher-up in question was terrified of cactuars for some unknown reason and had a mini-panic attack in the cafeteria. Oh well, at least they got the day off because they were busy cleaning up the cafeteria after that.

He shrugged, not really keen on divulging, "I'm fine. Just the usual stress." Ichigo raised a pierced eyebrow. "Right, because it's perfectly normal for you to glare at the ceiling and wait for it to spontaneously combust? So what is it? Let's see… family issues? No, that can't be it, you always get a weekly letter from your mum and swear in Nibel but that's normal. There hasn't been any increase in your swearing or anything so I guess that rules out family. Oh, unless some old unknown family member kicked the bucket and left you, like a gold mine or something? Yeah right, why'd you still be hanging around Shinra then, you would have high tailed it out of here ages ago.

Uh….you're taking Zack's advice and dropping out of Shinra's cadet program and opening a noodle stand in Wall Market next to the guy who sells the momos?" Cloud's mouth opened and closed uselessly, like a goldfish. "I'm doing what?" he managed to sputter. "Right, so Lieutenant Fair didn't really fill you in on that one yet. Never mind then. Hey did that creepy Turk hit on you again, Reno, I think his name was. Though I'm pretty sure after the last time, he's keeping his distance. You broke his arm in how many places? That brings us to… relationship problems?"

Cloud's flushed face answered his doubts almost instantaneously. "No way! Seriously, who's the chick and why haven't you brought her back to meet us? Should I be just a little more offended? Whoa man! You didn't get her pregnant did you?" If the universe was kind, a giant hole would have mysteriously appeared, swallowed him up whole and then vanished. The universe however was sorely lacking in the kindness department and Cloud was left to fend for himself. "No," he managed to squeak, "We haven't even…I mean," there were times in Cloud's life that he sincerely wished that he would take some time to think before speaking. It would have saved him a lot of embarrassment.

He watched with growing trepidation as Ichigo's grin grew even larger taking up the cast majority of his face. This was the stuff he waited for; it was almost as good as the one nut-job who had believed he was Cleopatra. Cloud scrambled backwards until his back touched the wall, as though the few extra centimeters of space would act as some sort of saving grace, "Now Cloud," he began, his eyes gleaming, "There's nothing to worry about. Don't be ashamed. Plenty of men have performance anxiety. It's perfectly natural. You've got to understand that this stuff isn't automatic you know? Take it slow, enjoy the ride, but remember time and tide wait for no man! Have no fear, I, Ichigo have the answer to all your problems." He dug around in his trunk, muttering; "Now where'd I keep those puppets?"

Cloud wanted to die, there was no way he was having this conversation with his roommate of all people. This was just wrong on so many levels. "It has nothing to do with sex!" he blurted out. Ichigo froze, fixing him with a calculating stare. "Really, well man, you really do have problems. Now are you going to tell me what's wrong or do I have to drag it out of you?"

The blond swallowed before nervously plunging in, "It's really boring stuff, I'm sure you wouldn't be interested. But over the last month or so, things have changed between us. It's all kinds of stuff, big and small and sometimes I feel like my bo...er...girlfriend is a totally different person than the one I fell in love with." "You mean like she's a stranger?" he asked ignoring the slip-up. "Yeah, I guess."

"Cloud my friend, congratulations. You've now experienced one of the most common problems experienced by all couples worldwide. Dude, of course she seems different! You're getting to know her better!" "I think it might be a bit different than that."Cloud added dryly. "Not really, I mean look at it this way. Sometimes when you start out, you're more reserved around the person because face it; you don't know what to expect. But once you start getting more used to the person, you'll let your true self out more often. So yeah, maybe those quirks your girlfriend had when you started out just got a bit magnified when you got closer as a couple." "I…guess," he said unsurely. "Come on dude, what did she do? Dye her hair, get a weird piercing what?" Sex change, he wanted to interject just to see the look on Ichigo's face, but mercifully he kept his mouth shut about that. There were some things that he just didn't need to know.

"Er, something like that." "Look man, jokes apart you want my honest opinion? Think about why you fell in love with this girl. Go back to the beginning and remember what it was that made you throw away the freedom of being single. Once you've got that, think about whether or not that still exists because if it does chances are you can work around everything else." As Ichigo tugged his blanket over him and turned in for the night, Cloud lay back, mind working furiously over the fact that the first bit of serious advice Ichigo had ever given might actually turn out to be something useful. He thought back to the first time he had met Sephiroth, the funny feeling he had gotten in his stomach when he realized that it wasn't just hero worship any longer. The familiarity washed over him and he prepared to evaluate where he stood, when his roommate cut in one last time.

"Oh and Cloud, one last thing. You are my innocent, naïve and unfortunately very doe-eyed friend and so I feel compelled to protect your virtue. Remember that no man who tries to force you is worth it, always use protection and that cherry flavored lube, unlike candy doesn't taste like cough syrup. Night then!"

He knew it was too good to be true.

Deep in the bowels of Shinra, Professor Hojo had another problem on his hands. There weren't too many things that frightened him, after all he had the upper hand being a mad scientist and all, but he wouldn't place a bet against an angry Hollander. "He's terrorizing my sons!" he roared and Hojo winced as an expensive test tube smashed into the wall. Really, this tendency to destroy things in a fit of rage was most unbecoming. "Um," he said intelligently, because there were only so many things you could say to a man who was threatening to feed you to a crocodile. "Do you know what your bloody experiment has done? It'll take me weeks to get a replacement Loveless for Genesis and he's sulking. And Angeal's sulking because Genesis is sulking. Would you like to tell me what I'm supposed to do with two sulking full grown men? Congratulations, you've now made Shinra's top three warriors completely and utterly useless in combat. And of course, you'd leave me to explain this to the board, because you're that evil. What a fun meeting that was. I'm lucky they didn't fire me on the spot. You want to know something else? That tea the damned brat drinks? It stains linen! I'm sending you my dry-cleaning bill. You are going to fix this and fast or else you can babysit the entire lot of them." Hojo watched as he stormed out angrily, muttering under his breath that "You can't even hit the brat because she's a girl." He grimaced; admittedly, this venture had been a tad less effective than what he had hoped for. What had started out as a brilliant idea now had created so many problems that even the President was shooting him dirty looks. The real problem of course lay in the fact that he hadn't perfected an antidote yet. He had an idea but it was largely untested. (Bruno had run off with a mouse from Kalm, of all the ungrateful test subjects.) Well he supposed that with the way things were proceeding, he didn't really have a choice.

***The Next Morning* **

"Uh, hi, can I come in for a moment?" Sephiroth and Zack glanced up from the paperwork strewn on the General's desk. Zack's face broke into a grin. "Hey Spiky! Classes all done for the day?" Cloud nodded, shutting the door behind him, adjusting the strap of his book bag. "Materia class got cancelled and I didn't have too much stuff to do for tomorrow so I thought I'd come visit Sephiroth." he said shooting Zack a meaningful look. "Oh…" realization dawned on Zack, "You two don't mind me, I'll just be on my way. I'm going to go bug Angeal for awhile. He's been all mopey lately, you know what he needs? Some Zack Attack in his life to cheer him up!" Cloud blinked, he knew he should be used to the randomness by now, but it seemed that nothing could get him completely accustomed to Zack's weirdness.

Sephiroth meanwhile placed his reading glasses on the table. "I wonder if I should warn Angeal." Cloud shot him a wry grin, "Nah, I'm pretty sure that Angeal's used to it by now." After watching the boy squirm about uncomfortably for a few minutes, Sephiroth took pity on him and asked, "Was there something specific you wanted to see me about Cloud?" Cloud rubbed the bridge of his nose nervously, "Er…yeah. I think that um, in light of recent events and broken lamps, it's essential that…we need to talk." "Yes, Zackary did inform me that you were troubled about things but he didn't volunteer details. I suppose that talking would be a good way to sort things out." He gave Cloud a smile, obviously waiting for the cadet to start.

Cloud on the other hand was dumbstruck. This was a lot easier on those TV soap operas, although the person stuck in his position usually had some escape ticket out of this like an illness, an accident, really good lingerie, and the works. Not that he ever watched soaps with Zack or anything. A heavy silence filled the room and Cloud was painfully aware that Sephiroth was waiting patiently and expectantly. "Um…this is nice weather we're having isn't it?" Well, that didn't sound suspicious at all.

"Look, you know how we talked about how this mako stuff wouldn't change anything? I guess we didn't think things through because things did change. And at first I thought things were absolutely cool and they were at first but that was because it hadn't set in. But when it did I panicked, 'cause that was the only viable option at that point. But that's just it, a relationship isn't just one point, we've got our entire lives ahead of us and I know that I want to spend it with you. I'm going to do everything I can to make sure that we're ok, because I love you. And someday, when we're old and crusty I want to look after you, you know? We can get some land out in the country, rear some Chocobos, and grow some apples and..."

"Cloud," Sephiroth cut in, "You're rambling." The embarrassed cadet folded his hands in his lap and looked down, "Oh." "However, I do understand the essence of what you're trying to say and I'm honestly touched. I'm glad you're being honest with me, for a second there, I thought I was the only one who had problems adjusting and I felt really guilty." "So…we're alright then?" "I doubt that we ever weren't. From what Angeal tells me, every couple has their problems now and then."

What would have been a fitting end to a very touching moment was interrupted by a loud sniffle outside the door. When Sephiroth yanked it open, he was unfazed to find Genesis, Angeal and Zack crouched outside, with Angeal awkwardly comforting his young protégé. "That's so sweet." Zack said, blowing his nose like a trumpet, "And I have a great recipe for apple cinnamon pie." He offered the handkerchief back to Angeal who gave it a wary look before assuring Zack that he could keep it. Sephiroth had a vague feeling that the tendrils of warmth coiling in his stomach had nothing to do with his changed hormones.

***Hojo's lab***

"I didn't know you cooked, "he said hesitantly, squinting at the goo in a cup. "This was what kind of soup again?" Hojo twitched, "It's coffee and I'm your father. Fathers cook for their sons all the time." You couldn't be serious; Hojo's parental instincts were developing now? "Well?" he said fixing Sephiroth with a beady stare, "aren't' you going to drink that?"

It was odd to say the least. There was something off about the taste. "Well, it's different," he volunteered, "The flavor is totally unique." Hojo delicately sipped his own cup of coffee which looked one hell of a lot more like liquid. "Obviously, I spiked your coffee with testosterone didn't I, it's bound to taste a little funny."

"You did what?" That's when the pain hit him. The cup slid to the floor and shattered but not before Sephiroth had passed out. "That was not accounted for." Hojo muttered.

***Sephiroth's Apartment***

Cloud figured that a romantic candlelight dinner was the perfect way to let Sephiroth know that he was serious about what he had said yesterday. As he stirred the curry, he smiled at the sound of the door opening. "I'm in the kitchen," he called out, "Dinner's almost done."

"Could you…could you come here for a minute?" Cloud frowned, Sephiroth sounded serious so whatever it was, it must have been important. As he switched off the stove, he idly wondered if he had only imagined that Sephiroth's voice seemed a few octaves lower than usual. He brushed it off as wishful thinking. Which was why, when he saw Sephiroth standing there with a green button-up shirt and black formal pants and considerably less endowments in the chest region, all he could do was stand there and gape. "You're a guy again?"

"Hojo figured out how to reverse it. First useful thing he's done all year." Cloud squealed and hugged the unsuspecting man, "I'm so happy that you're back to normal!" "I wasn't as bad as that?" said Sephiroth hugging the cadet close. "Really?" he said snorting, "you strung Reno out of a window." Sheepishly, Sephiroth coughed, "That may have not been entirely related to my hormonal activity. But I'm glad to be back. If I had to return to a lingerie store, I think I might not survive the embarrassment. :

Burying his face in the older man's chest, Cloud mumbled something. "What? I'm sorry, I'm afraid I didn't catch that." Flushing Cloud looked up, "I said, I'm thinking about telling my mother about us. I mean, it's time she knew right?" "Are you sure?" Cloud hummed his approval. "Well, in that case, I have my own revelation to share. I must admit the idea of a farm and an apple orchard is rather appealing, perhaps someday," he said, gently placing his chin on the golden locks, "When we're done with the military, we'll start a life of our own?"

"With a dog?" Cloud asked hopefully. "Not a chance."

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_**Author's Note**_: And, it's done! Thanks to everyone who took the time to read this through. Hope you enjoyed it. Read and review!


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